


if you're dead, i'm going to kill you!

by jilyevans



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:07:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29056401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilyevans/pseuds/jilyevans
Summary: for nina
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	if you're dead, i'm going to kill you!

**Author's Note:**

> for nina

James Potter is an idiot. 

A stupid, mindless, reckless idiot who is too much of a hero for his own good.

And right now Lily hates James.

Lily hates James because she doesn’t actually hate him at all. In fact, she loves him. And while she is enraged that he put himself in danger when it wasn’t needed, she is too distracted by the fact that he is dead to think about anything else right now.

-

It all started when James needed to make a quick pit stop to the boys' dormitories during their nightly rounds to retrieve the marauder's map back from Sirius.

Lily knew he wouldn’t be long, and she felt fine by herself anyway. 

While attacks on muggle borns have slowly started to become more and more frequent in their last year at Hogwarts, Lily was strong and knew she could hold her own. What kind of head girl would be too scared to walk by herself at night?

This mindset, however, did not last much longer after this night. 

Everything was fine at first, the corridors were empty and James should have been on his way back by now anyways. She was absentmindedly walking through the halls, thinking about how she was going to ask James to Hogsmeade with her that weekend when she met Mulciber standing directly in front of her. 

Eyes dark and smirking at the sight of her, Mulciber began to speak. “Well well, what have we here! Our own filthy mudblood head girl parading around the corridors late at night!”

Startled but not afraid, Lily recomposed herself so she had easy access to her wand, and began to berate back to the death eater in front of her. 

“Is that all you’ve got, Mulciber? And anyway, you’re the one that shouldn’t be in the halls right now. Why don’t you go crawl back to your death eater friends in the dungeons where you came from?”

Taken aback by the bluntness of her response, he stood for a moment not exactly sure what to say. Lily took this as an opportunity to keep walking, hoping he would just leave her alone, but even she knew that the likelihood of her leaving this encounter unscathed was a slim one. 

Before she could even take more than three steps past him, she heard him begin a curse from behind her. 

Reflexes sharp, she spun around and had a counter ready before the curse could even touch her. They began to duel.

“You are pathetic, you know. Attacking people with their backs turned because it’s the only way you might have a chance of winning.” she spat at him while simultaneously deflecting his shots.

Mulciber was becoming angrier by the second. “You shut your filthy mouth!” he screamed back. 

He must really not have liked that last comment she made, because the impact of his next spell caused Lily to stumble back onto the ground.

Unfortunately for Mulciber, Lily was able to hit him just as he got her, except much worse. He was laying on the ground as well but appeared hurt and unmoving.

Lily was momentarily hindered, but she was fine. She just needed to get up fast enough before he-

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sight of moppy black hair and concerned eyes, that could only belong to one person.

“Lily! I saw on the map- are you alright?”

Her heart began to race. She could handle herself being in danger, but the idea of James now being involved began to make her worries about the entire situation worse. 

It all happened very quickly. 

“I’m fine James just get out of here!” she yelled perilously. She was almost finished, and the distraction of James was not going to get them out of here any faster. 

Ignoring her pleads completely as Mulciber slowly rose from the ground, James stepped in front of her and picked up on her duel where she left off.

“James, just stop I can take it from here-”

Just as she began to seriously entreat that he let her handle the situation, there was what seemed to be an explosion, and James was struck down to the cold cement.

Lily was in shock, not knowing what just occurred but vaguely registering that it was something bad.

Once she regained brain flow and understood that James was not moving even slightly, she began to panic.

She looked down at James, looked back up at Mulciber, and ragefully took a start at him in retaliation to what he just did. Before she even had the chance to respond to his cruelty, he was fleeing from the scene, not even giving James a second thought.

She thought about going after him to make him pay for his violence, and in her state of mind, she absolutely could have. But even in her cloud of rage, she was brought back to reality and reason at the sight of James motionless.

She hurried over to him and dropped down to the ground next to his figure. 

Talking to herself and him at the same time, Lily spoke eagerly out loud. “No no no no no, this can’t be happening. You aren’t dead. You aren’t dead James.”

Desperately shaking his body for any sign of life, Lily cried out to him. “If you’re dead James I am going to kill you!”

Lily was slowly losing her mind staring at the boy she loved lifeless. 

Just as she was about to lose all hope, James opened his eyes and she was reunited with that familiar, warm shade of brown she has become so acquainted with these past years.

She watched as her world, destroyed just moments ago, slowly repaired itself back into place. 

“James!” she spoke breathlessly. 

“Today must be my lucky day because I only have to subside one attempt of murder instead of two”. He coughed and continued gruffly. “Sorry Evans but you don’t get to kill me today.”

Slowly, he sat up taking in the scene around him. He took his glasses off, saw that they were shattered, and grabbed his wand lying next to him to quickly repair them.

Lily was about to scream at how unaffected he seemed to be. 

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again James Potter!”

Confused, James’ eyes widened as he watched the girl in front of him start to spiral. 

“I thought that you-”

“Lily”

“I had to consider-”

“Lily what-”

“I had to consider for a second that I might have to do this without you! And James, I can’t! I can’t do this without you!

Extremely puzzled and disconcerted by her reaction to what happened, James began to console her quickly. 

“It’s okay Lil, I’m okay. I’m here. Everything is okay.”.

And just like that, Lily was having a full-blown meltdown.

She began to sob, not even caring how insane she must truly look to any outside perspective. She thought he was dead. Dead, before she could even ask him on a stupid date to Hogsmeade. Dead, before she could work up the courage to tell him how she truly felt about him. Dead, before they would ever have the chance to be the couple that they have for so long wanted to be. 

She was mad at James for being an idiot. But now, as she sits in front of the boy she almost lost, she can not blame anyone but herself for being the biggest idiot of all.

Still confused at the show of emotion by Lily towards him but knowing he needed to do something, James wrapped his arms around her as she continued to sob. 

Her body automatically began to relax at the weight of his body on hers, and his hand slowly stroking her hair.

She closed her eyes and basked in everything about his presence. The way his eyes sparkled as he looked into hers. The feel of his arms around her. How could she ever live without this boy? The person who keeps her grounded. The one that keeps her sane. 

With a slight smile to get his words across in a lighthearted manner, James spoke to her over her cries. 

“I didn’t know you cared about my life so much'' 

That earned him a light jab to his side, but at the same time, she began to calm down.

“Don’t you ever say that to me. Of course I care about your life James. I care about your life more than most things in this world.” 

James knew that Lily cared about him. They have become good friends, after all. Being made co-heads of the school brought them together in ways he never could have imagined. While she warmed up to him towards the second half of their sixth year, nothing could have prepared him for the camaraderie they quickly developed while working together. 

Lily didn’t just seem to tolerate him anymore, but moreover went out of her way to talk to and spend time with him. 

While James has had feelings for her for years, he stopped acting on them after the lake incident at the end of their fifth year and truly demonstrated respect for not only her as a person but their friendship and the boundaries that are set within that.

So seeing Lily this distraught at the status of his life shocked him, to say the least. Not that she would ever be careless at the prospect of a friend dying, but the things she was saying to him weren’t making any sense. Could she possibly see him as more than just a friend?

Before he could even make sense of his thoughts, his question was answered. Because while he was wondering what could possibly be going through her head, she was trying to make sense of it herself. 

Lily lifted her head off of his tear-stained shoulder and moved back slightly so she was still in his arms, but looking directly at him.

She was done waiting. More than this, she was done pretending like what she felt for James wasn’t a blazing fire that grew bigger inside her every single day. 

She was scared. Scared of him having moved on from her. Scared of rejection. But mostly, she was scared of losing the person who meant the most to her. Because even if she couldn’t have him in that way, she would settle for him in her life in any way possible. She could not bear losing him because she was too stupid to realize what she felt for him when she still liked her, or because she was too late.

And while it was fucking terrifying to in a moments notice reveal what she has been trying to build herself up to express to him for months now, the idea of James Potter being dead was scarier than any self-consciousness or fear she could ever feel.

So she told him the truth.

“I love you, James”.

“I know, Lily. I love you too”

The casualness of his response confirmed to her that he didn’t quite understand. She took a deep breath, and the words began to spill out.

“No James, I don’t just love you. I love you. I love the way you ruffle your hair stupidly when you don’t know what to do with yourself. I love the way you slowly trail off when you’re talking because you have the attention span of a starfish. I love the way you care about the people you love more than anything in this world, and how there is no measure for what you would do for any of them.” 

Lily started to speak more frantically, nervous at the declaration of her feelings but also getting worked up again from thinking about what just happened. 

“I love you more than I could have ever known, and I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you this but you were there and I thought you were dead and I couldn't imagine life without-

James put a stop to her crazed rambling before she could continue any further. 

One moment James was looking at her like she was insane. The next, she couldn’t exactly make much of his expression because his lips were on hers and her eyes automatically shut as her lips responded to his.

It was a brief, but meaningful kiss. Long enough to make her heart and brain stop, yet short enough not to take away from the significance of the situation. 

He pulled away and responded softly to her prior pronouncement. “I love you too Lily. Really. And I’m sorry for scaring you like that because I wouldn’t know what to do without you either”.

Even in the seriousness of the situation, Lily looked down and began to blush at the intensity of his words. But even so, she was still shaken from the whole situation and could not begin to process the romantic side of it just yet.

While she was lost in her thoughts, he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and smiled at her. 

She looked up at him and smiled back slightly. “I don’t need you to protect me, you know”

“I know that Lily. I don’t step in because I don’t think you can handle it. I step in because I can’t handle the idea of you in danger and me not being there to help you. Just like you say you need me, I need you more. I will never leave you on your own.”

He put his hand back on her shoulder and his eyes looked deeply into hers. “You don’t have to do this alone.” 

She nodded, comforted but overwhelmed by his words and not knowing what to say back. 

A lot just happened, and she was still trying to take everything in. She didn’t know much, but right now she knew that she loved James, he loves her back, and that he is alive. And for now, that is all that matters to her.


End file.
